I've learned a lot from my beloved. One of those shards of wisdom that she passed along was that wonderful phrase. One that I believe could be so powerful. Connect with the person or persons you're in conversation with. It sounds simple enough but it's not. I have often felt the unsolicited need to correct someone. I find myself , not listening, but instead just waiting my turn to correct them. Now I come by this honestly, I come from a long line of 'know-it-alls'. You know the type, chock full of information that occasionally elevates to the realm of knowledge but rarely does it reach the heights of wisdom. I think if you truly swim with the wisdom keepers you would be in no rush to correct the other person. Wisdom has always struck me as a generous perch nestled in a tree of patience. Correction has no patience. It can ahrdly wait to let you finish whatever it is you were uttering. But what if we step back from the rough and tumble of winners and losers in the court of private opinion.
I'll give you an example. A few years back the producer of my podcast, Not That Kind Of Rabbi, offered me a guest I had never met or knew of. He hosted a business show on the radio. I trust my producer so I said yes. The guest seemed like a nice enough fellow. He came armed with opinions. Provocative ones. There is no such thing as human caused global warming as an example. His view was that the sun's thermometer was broken and this was basically a service call solar glitch. Therre was nothing we could do about.
Now I have spent many years working with environmental groups, mostly in the political realm trying to help them communicate to the public about the very real fact of man made climate change. I had facts, lots of them. As my TV production prof used to say, I was loaded for bear. But before I could launch into my best take down arguments I remember the lesson my wife had taught me. Connect over correct.
I had no rebuttal. Instead I simply asked him to tell me more. As he spooled out his argument I could sense that he was confused as to why I hadn't taken the bait. He kept explaining , Ikept being curious. Genuinely curious. What, underneath his argument was driving him to these conclusions. I thanked him and ended the interview. Two things, first I had listeners ask why I didn't take him down. I answered that I was leaving it up to them to decide if his arguments had merit. What I learned was that my guest thrived on being contrarian. It gave him a niche. It was the kind of talk that lights up the phones on radio talk shows.
As he was leaving he gifted me and my producer a pair of novelty socks that he had brought along. We had connected and though I would not say that I would yearn for his return on the program it felt so much better to not load up the know-it-all slingshot to win the day. So now, in my work as a spiritual companion, ralphbenmergui.ca, I try my best not to correct those I journey with but instead listen deeply and with an open heart. In a polarized world I remember the call to love thy neighbour, to hear the stranger and to recognize that in this short stay on this small planet we are all just walking each other home